Pitch, tone, volume, facial expression and touch have a profound effect on the meanings of our words. They can work together to create completely new meanings. They change the context of the words and give them new connotations. Both men and women, as human beings, have mastered using these non-verbal tools in communication.
Pitch has a lot to do with the meaning of what we say. Have you ever noticed that that a man speaks deeper when he tries to be serious? Have ever noticed that women's voices jump up an octave when they answer a friend's phone call? Those are examples of how we change our pitch to communicate something. Men might also use a deeper voice to be poignant, scary or sexy. Woman seem to often use a higher voice to show their excitement or femininity.
Even more than pitch, tone can drastically alter the meaning of what we say. "Don't you use that tone of voice with me young lady!" is a phrase you may have often heard your mother or father say. The tone of voice can make the same words "he's a genius" mean different things. A sarcastic tone can imply the opposite; he is an moron. The tone of our voice can make us sound like we are being rude, disrespectful, accusatory or argumentative even though sometimes we do not mean to be. "That's not what I meant." or "It just came out that way." are common defenses when we believe our tone of voice, and therefore, the meaning of our words have been misunderstood.
Like tone, volume can also add a dynamic to the meaning of our speech. The same words if they are whispered might not have the same meaning if they are yelled, although they could so long as the same tone is employed. Whispering fire is not the same as yelling "FIRE!" not just because of the volume but because of the tone of urgency. More than effecting the meaning of the words by the volume we use, we often choose the volume to use based on the social situation. Volume can be used to conceal information from many as in the case of a whisper, or to project a message to many in the case of a shout.
Even more dynamic than our volume can be our facial expressions. Watch a stand-up comedian. Listen to the same routine on a cd. It's still funny, but you really miss out on a lot without the facial expressions. Facial expressions are a dramatic tool to effect meaning on the words; together with tone, pitch and volume, facial expression projects emotion. Simply saying "That's disgusting" is meaningful, but making a face portraying yourself in a state of inevitable vomiting multiplies the meaning.
Like the physical act of facial expressions, touch can add one more layer to the power of nonverbal cues. Saying "I love you" can take on different meanings if it is followed by a hug or by a kiss or by grabbing some booty. Touch brings the parties communicating together in the case of hugging but it can also push them apart if one "make[s] it a word and a blow" (Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet). Picture yourself in a crowded bar. You say "excuse me" as you try to navigate your way through but your shoulder makes a bit too much contact with someone, your "excuse me," however well intended, may take on a meaning of rudeness and lead to an unpleasant evening.
Men and women can employ all of these techniques, albeit in their own ways. Any major difference between the use of these non-verbal techniques most likely stems from cultural differences rather than differences between the sexes. As human beings we have all mastered the art of using pitch, tone, volume, facial expression and touch to communicate. We are masters of these nonverbal cues because for us, it is simply natural.
MASTERFULLY WRITTEN, Ben!
ReplyDeleteYour take on pitch and tone as part of non-verbal communication were previously overlooked by me. When I read your post, I had one of those "Well, Duh!" moments because what you were saying wasn't some sociological or audiological breakthrough. What you said was truthful and logical and practical.
You took me back about 35 years, believe it or not. My mom used to give me that "Don't you take that tone with me, Missy!" presentation whenever I would beg, plead and whine trying to get my way after I had already been told no. I'd get it also from my father because as a kid I would "tut." You know, putting your tongue against the back of your teeth and snapping it to make a tut or chirp-type sound. Boy, did that sound get me in trouble again, and again. Someone smart would have learned their lesson but not me. Nooooo. I "tutted" just to piss my dad off once I was already going down that path. I simply never considered that those noises, sounds and pitches were non-verbal communication but the reality was, the sound and tone were more declarative statements than the words that they symbolized. Maybe I did, really. I knew I could get a reaction out of them and I did use it - the sounds as a means of expression. Come to think about it, I clearly was communicating with them on as deep a level as a ten year-old possibly can communicate. Just like the brat that I was.
Thanks for the trip down memory lane. It made me remember why I was grounded so much that year....
A great posting is the one that makes me think - like yours did. I look forward to your next post.
Ben your work is always a pleasure to read, I had to stay away from you for last week so that I could give other peoples blogs a look but IM BACK, hope you don’t mind. I absolutely love your intro, you spoke about how everything from pitch and tone to facial expressions and how they work together. I think a lot of us fail to remember that they work together, I know I do. I tend to make faces and then wonder how people know I am mad. Not only do our facial expressions help to alert people but also our body language. Your paragraph about tone informed me a lot and allowed me see my fault. I tend to speak loudly and even louder when I get upset but it is so automatic I tend to not notice my tone and pitch have changed. I find it so weird how if you tell someone to “SHUT UP!” it is so different from a giggly whispered “shut up”. Your statement about the comedian is so unbelievably true, I know their jokes are funny but oh my gosh watching them and all their funny gestures make me crack up. You write very well and I always enjoy reading your work.
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